Hi There 🙂
Many of you know me from my social media. I like to keep it light and humorous which is how I am most of the time but I too have a deep, emotional side.
I have always been a quirky person; since childhood, I was always the “weird” one from my siblings. When all the others would agree on something, I would be the only one opposing their ideas. In fact, until today I am still the only one in my family with a different view on life. The only difference is that now I embrace it.
Throughout my life, I was encouraged to be a certain way even though deep down I knew it wasn’t me. Being a kid who’s always felt like the outcast made me sad. I didn’t understand why I never fitted in. Eventually that sadness became self- hatred. I hated that my thoughts were different to the others. That my life goals were not the same or remotely in line with the others. This led to a lot of self – doubt and confusion about what I should aspire to be like as an adult. I was told that I was weird so I isolated myself and spent most of my time alone, watching cartoons. I was always moody and upset because I didn’t understand why I was different.
As I grew older I craved acceptance and forced myself to live my life according to society’s expectations. I did as I was told (most of the time) and tried to live up to what my community deemed to be acceptable. Needless to say, it all went horribly wrong and I was left to feel worse than before.
I hated who I was and constantly asked myself ” what’s wrong with you Zaida? Why can’t you just be normal?” It took many mistakes and bucket-loads of tears for me to realise that I needed to stop living for others and start living for myself.
When I got the opportunity, I moved away from home and focused on learning about myself. I met new people who thought the same way that I did, people who encouraged me to be myself and to love myself. In addition, I started reading self- help books that made me dig deep to figure out who I am and what I stand for. These books have helped me to embrace my flaws and love myself for me.
There are a few ways in which I love myself.
- I spend a lot of time alone – this is what forces me to get to know myself and to love myself.
- I have a diary which I write in almost every day. I write down my goals, my thoughts and my emotions. The good, the bad and the ugly. I do this to track my progress.
- I do more of what makes me happy and I am selective with who I surround myself with.
- I force myself to be uncomfortable because nothing good happens in comfort zones.
- I try to be the best version of myself every day and treat people with kindness.
Remember, we all have bad days where we are the worst versions of ourselves but it is most important to love ourselves on those days. If you can love yourself at your worst, you will appreciate yourself at your best.
I am currently reading Meeting Your Power by Dj Zinhle and Nokubonga Mbanga which I purchased from CNA and it has helped me in so many ways. It speaks about the way we see ourselves and how to change our perception to view ourselves in a more positive light – it is definitely worth a read!
Lastly, if you don’t love yourself, no-one will.
Stationery from CNA